As we get older we start to realize who our true friends are.
Growing up we always wanted 100 friends at all times. Back then, quantity was over quality and we didn’t really realize what the word ‘quality’ meant in terms of friendship. I grew up with a solid core of 5 friends that were my friends since kindergarten but once I was switching to a different high school those friendships started fading away. Why? Well, we barely saw each other since I was away at school and we all started developing different interests. At first I was heartbroken but I soon developed even closer friendships in high school that I knew would last much longer. College quickly came and I developed close friendships with another group of girls that honestly changed my life. They were my rock throughout those 4 years and I am so grateful that our paths crossed. We still are very close to this day and even though we don’t live in the same area, we still remain close and try to see each other whenever we can. It is funny to type this but I am now closer to my friends that I have developed post-grad. I laugh writing this because that was my biggest fear when I moved away from home to start my “life”. I was worried I was never going to become friends with anyone new but boy was I wrong. I wrote about developing friendships after college and it is something that I encourage you all to do is get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. I should take my own advice when it comes to dating but that’s another topic for another day!
Recently, I soon realized that I was holding on to some friendships just for the sake of knowing these people for 10+ years. Sure we would always have a great time when we were together but the friendship wasn’t as fulfilling as my other more recent friendships. I’ve been battling with this for quite some time but wanted to highlight what was going on through my head during this and when I realized it was time to move on from a friend.
They aren’t your biggest cheerleader. When you are friends with someone, you are there through thick and thin. You are constantly their biggest cheerleader and number one fan. Sure it is important to give your honest feedback but you accept every decision that they make (even if you wouldn’t do it their way) and cheer them on. You will be there for them when things get ugly and bring them back up. That is what it means to be a best friend. As easy as that.
When they talk just about themselves. We all have those friends who it is all about them. I don’t know why I’ve had that happen to me very often but it is the case and it is something that I just accept if they have other incredible qualities. Friendship to me is a two way street. Of course there are instances where you just need to be an ear for them to vent but other than that it should be mutual. That is how you continue growing and building your friendship.
When they don’t know how to be there for you. Like I mentioned above, through thick and thin. If you are going through something really hard they should drop everything (if they can) and be there for you. There are some instances where it is hard for me to be there for someone just because I’ve never been through what they have been through or I just feel uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable in the sense of being weirded out by the situation but more like I want to be there for you but I don’t know what to do to help. If I’m going through something I would rather have my space but know my friends are there for me and I can call them immediately if I needed them.
When it feels like a chore. This was the biggest aha moment when every time we would set plans it always felt like a chore. I would want to see them but I wouldn’t want to go through all the work to make plans, dedicate my entire weekend to them, etc. However, when it comes to my best friends it doesn’t require much planning and it is so simple. We don’t even need to plan anything. It could just be going to a SoulCycle class together (even though we don’t even talk during them) but just being in their presence. Another thing is when it comes to texting. Does it feel like a chore to text them back? Do you find yourself waiting until you aren’t busy or another time to answer them? That was me. It felt like a chore to respond to them. It sounds awful but I know I’m not the only one to feel that way.
Have you ever had to go through a friend breakup?
Thanks for reading Elle’s Edit. If you have any topics that you would like for me to discuss, feel free to email me at elizabeth.lane.dooley@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you! xo
