How are you? Three simple words that hold so much meaning.
As I was going through my daily blog reading I discovered Joanna from A Cup of June ask the same question… how are you doing? Such a simple question but boy is it a deep one. Dana recently mentioned about how she is doing in her instagram caption the other day and I totally related. If you asked me how I’m doing I honestly would say not great and I think I’ve been in the worst mental state of my entire life. I feel like my life is falling apart, I feel like time is going by so fast but slow at the same time, and just the future of the unknown terrifies me and I just can’t wrap my head around it.
I’ve always been someone who tells others the importance of talking about their feelings. Well, I sure have not been taking my own advise. I hold absolutely every emotion in and I do that because who cares about my problems..I’m here to make a positive impact in the world and don’t want people to throw me a pity party. But how am I supposed to send positive vibes into the world if I’m not even positive in my own life? I feel like I’m lying to myself and others by saying that I’m fine when I’m not.
Even though I’m not comfortable writing about this topic but I am choosing to do so because I know I am not alone. This is a weird freaking time in our life and we need to prioritize our feelings or we will just hit our breaking point and even though I feel like I’m there I don’t know if I am and that terrifies me because it has been pretty bad so far.
So what am I doing about it? And how can we improve our quality of life together? Well, I am starting to journal every day and picking out common themes to see if there is anything I can eliminate on my own. The biggest piece for me right now is my job. I’ve been working 80-90 hour weeks (including weekends) for the past few months. I recently have had conversations with my manager saying I can’t keep doing this and I am really starting to push back because it is taking a toll on my mental state and body (tmi but I’ve had my period every week). Another theme of mine is definitely my friendships. Living alone is really hard for me and I just feel like my friends aren’t there since COVID makes us really stay at home when we can. I know this actually has been my fault because of just how much I work (I literally have no free time) but it just feels like my friendships are dying and I’m getting even emotional typing this. I understand that friendships go both ways and I need to stop putting the pressure on myself but it isn’t easy. Another common theme is just thinking about the future. Life sure isn’t what I planned especially with my “timeline” but I’m telling myself it is just not what God has planned for me and I have to trust the process. Sure it is hard seeing all these people around me (social media is brutal) start their life with their SO, have babies, etc and all these things I so desperately want but hey, we all have our own timeline and we cannot compare. Then there are stupid things that frustrate me during the day that I reflect on and I’m like this is just so stupid that it made me feel this way. This helps me shift my focus to the things that I can control and allow me to eliminate the negatives in my life and move on. Make sense? Sounds easy huh?
I encourage you all to take it day by day. It isn’t an easy fix from going sad to happy but we can all work on it. I’m here for you all if you want to chat! Message me on Instagram or send me an email! Looking forward to connecting.
How are you?
Thanks for reading Elle’s Edit. If you have any topics that you would like for me to discuss, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to hear from you! xo