I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to hit publish for this post. I’m still not 100% sure.
This was supposed to be your typical, happy-go-lucky outfit post. As per usual around this neck of the woods. But in light of recent events, I’m just not in that “happy-go-lucky” kind of mood. We all know what happened in Orlando over the weekend, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it at all. I still can’t. At this point in time, I’ve literally just stepped back and keep asking myself, “What the hell is going on?”
Will we ever know the answer? No, probably not. But what I do know is that this time (it’s sad there is a “this” time), things have changed. Things are different. Do I think things are going to change – are events like the tragedies in Orlando going to stop? No, probably not. Which is sad and pessimistic….but at this point in time that’s exactly how I feel.
So how have things changed?
Well, aside from the families and loved ones whose lives have dramatically and tragically changed, and how our nation is so divided over issues when we should be coming together, I feel like I’m changed.
Seriously. I live in one of the biggest cities in the world. And because it’s so big, it’s also one of the scariest cities in the world. After everything that’s happened lately, everywhere I’ve been going, I start thinking about how it can change at any moment – for the worse. In a group chat with my friends, one of my girlfriends brought up how a bar we frequent in the summer is SO crowded, and how we should always know the nearest way out in the case of something happening. Like what?
At that point, it hit me that these are the things I’m going to start worrying about. I hate that I’m even admitting that I’m living out of fear…but I know I’m not alone. The last week, I’ve ridden the subway a million times, and each time my mind immediately went to something bad happening. That is NOT how I want to live my life. That’s NOT how things are supposed to go. That’s just NOT right.
But let’s go back to the victims and their families. They need to live with so much more than just fear. I can only fathom what they’re going through and how they feel – it’s devastating and mind-blowing. It’s tragic. It’s unbelievable that this happened. I’m sitting here writing a post for my blog and so many others are mourning.
So when something like this happens, the first thing I think of are my loved ones: my family, my boyfriend, my friends. When you can’t imagine losing those special people in your life, events like this make you realize just how fast they can be taken away. Right now, I consider myself one of the luckiest girls in the world…yet I still feel so sad.
Sad for the victims, sad for their loved ones, sad for our nation, sad for the LGBTQ community, just sad.
I apologize for this ridiculously upsetting post. It might not have been what you wanted to read – I know that’s not why you come to Pink Champagne Problems every day. Trust me, I know. But…I needed to talk, to vent, to have a conversation with you all. So please, if you have any thoughts, don’t be afraid to leave them below.
One last thing…give the ones you love an extra tight hug every night. It’ll be worth it.